"How To Have Great Sex"

It's been said, "everyone wants to know how to have great sex," but how do you learn it?

That's a complicated question, and the answer involves several components. Can I give the one right answer for you? Probably not, but I can point you in a few directions and get you thinking along the right lines.

First off, you can't force sex. That can be a tough one for guys - I know - I'm a guy. Sometimes, I want what I want and I try to pressure and manipulate my way in. But that's not the answer. If you're going to learn how to have great sex, you have to realize that great sex is allowed to happen, not forced or coerced.

Secondly, attitude is key. Holding on to any guilt or judgments, hang-ups or self consciousness will take away from the pleasure of the experience. Be "in the moment," that means letting go of to-do's and allowwing yourself to fully experience the physical, mental and spiritual connections brought about by truly great sex.

Next, connection, communication and trust - you have a need to feel safe and secure. Trust in your relationship allows you to open up and really communicate with your partner. It's okay to ask for what you want, verbalize your desires - your relationship should be a safe place for that.

Keep a short list of wrongdoings - to maintain a long-term relationship, you'll need a short-term memory in the bedroom.

Keep the desire burning - if you've been in your relationship for awhile, you probably know what I'm talking about. The initial passion has probably been slowly replaced with chores and grocery lists and mundane tasks - the romance and excitement can quickly slip away. The original desire is still there to tap into, but how? Sometimes you can find triggers, ways to "trick" your brain back to the original feelings - maybe repeating a date from your early past - maybe even something as simple as taking a walk, or going for some tea/coffee.

Accept/love yourself - Okay - so I've gained 25 pounds over the years. If I believe all of the spam I get in my inbox - my "unit" is too small and I desperately need enlargement pills or little blue pills - whatever! You know what - I'm fine - I like myself, maybe there's room for improvement, but I'm okay. And if I go into the bedroom with some confidence instead of self-loathing, she'll respond to the confidence and know that I know how to have great sex.

Try some adventure - Maybe you're inhibited, but seriously - what's really holding you back? Wouldn't it be neat to have your partner respond with - "You want to do what? Right On!" If you take yourself too seriously in the bedroom, you may be missing out on some fun. Maybe you have a fantasy, maybe your partner does. Share those, take some risks - be creative, experiment.

Foreplay and afterplay - it doesn't have to start in the bedroom. Foreplay can begin long before you get to the bedroom - and it doesn't have to be about feeling someone up. It can be verbal foreplay or even something like sharing a mundane chore. Afterplay is important too. Guys, once we're done, it's easy to jump out of bed and go on to the next thing - but staying for a few minutes to cuddle will help cement the connection between you and your lover.

Safe Sex - do I really need to say more on this?

About Stress - everyone needs time to "decompress" before they can get turned on. Maybe a bath, or some time in a hot tub. You can try aroma-therapy, candles, massage - anything to help you relax, de-stress and reconnect.

Get in shape - stay in shape - People who know how to have great sex and do it on a regular basis have less stress and suffer from depression less - but you need energy, stamina and plenty of sleep. Get plenty of exercise (3-4 times a week), eat right, and get enough sleep.

If you follow these tips - you'll find yourself becoming an expert at how to have great sex in no time.